The Dark Side of Spiritual Living

[Spirit Flower]

Maybe it is winter and time to experience the dark and the cold. Maybe I'm finally well enough to go and look at the darkness. I find myself wondering and willing. I've tried to be happy and fulfilled for a number of years. I've followed the instructions and been happy; but now, I seem to want to allow the ooze to flow and look at it. I've never really allowed myself to just drop the quest for fulfillment/joy, and see what happens.

Mainly I've tried to prove that i am as good as all the enlightened people I see out there. I've felt judged by religious people and attempted to prove that the non-consecrated life of a lay spirititualist is just as good as the professed religious. I've self helped myself and I've followed teachers. Now, I want to try just letting myself enter the darkness and find out what it contains.

Has anyone else put their happiness instructions away and just entered the dark?

[Aqua Flame]

Hate is due to pain and fear. I think mostly due to pain. It is easy to hate and much harder to love. It is hard to find much to love in many people because they are adrift in a tide of ignorance, selfishness, self-centeredness, self-righteousness and/or self loathing. Many I find along the spiritual path of the New Age are self-righteous, and with wholesomer-and-cleaner-than-thou attitudes

and are miserable company to anyone with a pulse. If one loves oneself it expands outward and as you continue in momentum daily you cannot hate. I am glad I have no hate in me. I love everyone but I do not like everyone's ways and choose not to associate with some people because their negativity brings me down and is usually because they have been spoiled and pampered and mollycoddled all their life that when something doesn't go their way or they have some disappointment they collapse like a house of cards. When friends or acquaintances are negative I intentionally remove myself from that vibration and then when they are feeling more positive I will be attracted to their energy again. I have compassion for anyone and everyone, but I pity none or try not to because it is useless and unconstructive. The answer is to love yourself and all will fall in place - start within - as the Aquarian Gospel says: if you want to see the enemy, the Devil - look in the mirror. In other words we are own worst enemies, a poor reflection of the Divine; a mirror with dust on it; cloudy waters cast no reflection ( to quote the mamas and the papas). In the movie "Safe" with Juliann Moore she finds her problems stem from self-loathing and as a daily exercise repeats the simple affirmation while looking in a mirror: I love you.

[Whispering Path Zendo]

Hello darkness my old friend..........just trying to remember the words to that song but as they say the memory goes first. Good thing in my case. Saw your post and just thought I would say hi and ask how yer doing these days. I kinda burned out on the forum sites but not before creating a huge uproar on Zen Forum International and getting banned for a month for my coyote trickery, sure was fun though. I had a site I had started a year ago but had neglected so I started doing my ranting there in the relative safety of obscurity. Much better and no flack, yet.....

Finished up a one year solitary retreat in the New Hampshire woods a few months ago. Got the use of a summer home in exchange for renovations. Was so good the be back in the woods again. Now in MA to be near family but not real crazy about the environment. So much noise and so many busy people doing so many pointless things.

In any case I hope this finds you well both physically and spiritually. If you want to drop a line my address is [e-mail] that is not the Ning link however. That is http://whisperingpathzendo.ning.com/ Don't know how I got listed on this site as WPZ must have pushed the wrong button again, story of my life. Oh well......

Be well,
Tamcho