I have continued my blog in another home, a hermitage!
Send me a message if it interests you to continue following my story.
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Added by Spirit Flower on August 8, 2008 at 7:28am —
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Silence is ok; it doesn’t have to be filled. You don’t have to think at all times; that is a bad habit. Learn to let there be silence.
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Silence represents another plane of reality. The plane of silence is free for anyone. But, it requires work to obtain. To get there, we have to want it, choose it and go to any lengths to reside there; letting go of all else. Silence is pure. It cannot contain any other thing. We have to give up all else. Most of us would rather have the cheap rewards of materi…
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Added by Spirit Flower on July 27, 2008 at 5:07pm —
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Boredom! I think my mind is in a crummy mood. I am not entertaining it. I am not in deep spiritual study. No self importance. Nothing grandiose. Being useless. I listen to my ego run on and on. I would rather be in rapture, but God hasn't given me this "specialness". No need to meditate to hear the crap. I hear my ego yammering away about something that happened this morning which didn’t please it. I have foolishly left my mind unoccupied and it is going crazy.
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I stand up and move away from th…
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Added by Spirit Flower on July 26, 2008 at 4:30pm —
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You can go to http://wordle.net and make a word picture out of your blog. Above is the one I made of my blog.
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title="Wordle: Blog Word Pareto">![]()
src="http://wordle.net/thumb/wrdl/74893/Blog_Word_Paret…
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Added by Spirit Flower on July 18, 2008 at 7:00am —
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I ran this morning in the dark, as usual, only I went for a little longer than I usually do. As afternoons are hotter, I think that I enjoy the cool mornings more.
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This morning, I ran 5 times around a mile loop in the park near my house. It was dark except for my head-light and a few lightening bugs. I ran down a dirt road and up a cement one. After awhile, I forgot where I was. My world was very narrow with occasional stumbles over rocks and occasional bugs to the face. The birds were not eve…
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Added by Spirit Flower on July 17, 2008 at 7:30am —
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I became intrigued with the mystery of God in my twenties. I became intrigued with the mystery of the silent God in my late thirties, after I discovered meditation. One time, I camped in Death Valley. I had the opportunity to hike up a small hill and sit by myself for awhile. It was so quiet, you could hear nothing. I thought, “It is so quiet I could hear God.” This was before I went to the monastery. The thirst for silence deepened as I lived in a contemplative monastery for four years and I po…
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Added by Spirit Flower on July 16, 2008 at 3:51pm —
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This morning, after sleeping in ‘til 6:30, I ran 18 miles (or so), 3:35. I ran 68 miles this week. I could go in a marathon. I’m thinking that Heart of America will be the one I go in Labor Day weekend.
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I am nearing the end of my year of ACIM workbook lessons. In the past year, I have read the Text almost three times. I can say that ACIM resonates with me. I just started reading the Manual for Teachers. I am going to continue using the Text for my morning spiritual reading because it helps me…
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Added by Spirit Flower on July 13, 2008 at 8:00pm —
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When I stop doing everything and slow down my brain, I realize that there is a hole in the bottom of my life, an abyss. In complete stillness (body, mind and spirit) it is easy to see that all of my doings are meant to hide that hole. From that observance, it appears to me that all human doings are a waste; even religious rituals. It is all a waste. All of society and human relations are occupations which distract us from this dark silent hole.
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I sit down and observe and allow the realization:…
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Added by Spirit Flower on July 12, 2008 at 1:30pm —
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Today was the big day! Bigger than Christmas! What Laura? Today was my 2nd annual terrain race; the PsycoPsummer race in Wyandotte County Park.
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First, let me give you some perspective. On March 27, I was laying in a hospital bed, unable to maintain consciousness after my second arm surgery. Then, I had a period of time where I couldn’t tear toilet paper. Then, I worked with my physical therapist on scooping beans out of a bowl. Then, both my therapist and doctor were extremely pleased with my…
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Added by Spirit Flower on July 5, 2008 at 4:22pm —
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I don't intend to spend my life merely sorting through illusions and picking the ones I like. I seek to transcend normal human consciousness. I have picked my path. I have sold all. I plan to lose my life. These sayings are of Jesus and could be construed as dogma. I could be accused of being scripturally dogmatic. But I think the way that Jesus was pointing out was not followed by Christianity. I think Jesus' way points to truth. I plan to follow it in a radical way. But realize, it is not abou…
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Added by Spirit Flower on July 3, 2008 at 8:46am —
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A Course in Miracles (ACIM), Chapter 27, Section III, para. 4:
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“An empty space that is not seen as filled, an unused interval of time not seen as spent and fully occupied, become a silent invitation to the truth to enter, and to make itself at home…For what you leave as vacant God will fill, and where He is there must the truth abide.”
When I first disentangled from religion and its community. I felt guilty and afraid. Friends distanced themselves from me. Then I moved away. I began to live i…
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Added by Spirit Flower on July 2, 2008 at 12:30pm —
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All weekend, the Beatles song "Strawberry Fields" has been on my mind. Especially the line: Living is easy with eyes closed... It was reminding me of my pre-awareness era, when I just struggled with life. Now, I have awareness. I still struggle, but differently. I definitely don't harm myself, I just work with thoughts. Below is the rest of the lyrics. I am surprised to see it talks about "nothing is real" and "its a dream."
What is amazing is that I don't listen to music. My mind is just repla…
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Added by Spirit Flower on June 30, 2008 at 7:34am —
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My life has form and content. Forms are: work, running, AA, food, Atchison, my past (especially monastic life), spiritual seeking, austerity, money, womanhood, aloneness, etc. If I look at these forms, I see mainly pain, fear guilt, hate, shame, the bitterness of defeat.
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I think about the promises of all the forms and how I haven’t seemed to succeed and “get” whatever was promised. Other people’s methods haven’t seemed to solve my fundamental desire for “something.” I always wanted to know som…
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Added by Spirit Flower on June 29, 2008 at 9:30am —
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I got up at 3:05 am and had coffee. I made some fresh juice. By 4:20 I was on my way to KC. I hit one raccoon. By 5:20, I was at the park by the Missouri River, where I ran 8 miles. I saw a tiny baby salamander and a young doe on the path. I bought some stuff at the farmer's market there; lettuce, beets and zuccini. I went to Hy Vee for some more stuff and Panera for coffee and a fresh loaf of bread. At 8 am, I was at the 12 Step fellowship. I saw a guy wearing a t-shirt for Smartass University.…
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Added by Spirit Flower on June 28, 2008 at 9:03pm —
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Good Morning,
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More thunderstorms here in the Midwest. I’d rather have that than fires like California. I grew up in Berkeley, California. We had a large house in the East Bay hills. The house was finally consumed by fire.
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I wanted to say something about the state of my mind. I’ve been watching my thoughts; all the various offerings of the ego. The ego offers attack thoughts against others, grievances against unfairness, hate for work, worries about my broken arm, dreams of running glory, att…
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Added by Spirit Flower on June 27, 2008 at 7:46am —
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The moment I was told I was being asked to leave the monastery (two days before I was to make vows), I imagined myself as a white bird whose chains had been cut and I was free to soar off into the infinite blue sky. I did soar off, and am soaring now. This morning, I was curious about the song "White Bird in a Golden Cage." I wondered who sang it. I happened to find an interesting web page that somewhat describes my feelings (as a child of the 60s).
My contemplation is my wings. It is into the…
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Added by Spirit Flower on June 23, 2008 at 7:18am —
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I am sitting here in my dinky Kansas house at 10 am. It is about 85, humid and windy outside. I will go outside later, but only to get in the car.
Sitting on the table here is a huge trophy. I got first place in a 5K race this morning. Well, first place of the women. Well, there were only about 20 people in the race. Well, there were only two women. Well, I only managed ten minute miles. But, I won the 40 year age group too! I felt like an idiot as I had asked the race director if the age group…
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Added by Spirit Flower on June 7, 2008 at 11:35am —
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Am I ready to just walk away from everything? Am I ready to leave my old life behind? Am I ready to put down everyone else’s books and instructions and just be? I have thought about this for many months, but somehow, some new spiritual reading material always makes its way on to my table. Yesterday evening was my first serious attempt at complete non-input.
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Yesterday evening after running, I lay on my bed and stared at an object on the wall for 1 ½ hours. During that time, I initially had to r…
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Added by Spirit Flower on June 5, 2008 at 8:27am —
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Good Morning!
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Part of the reason for today's blog is just to continue my life's saga. It is possible that people read this. But this blog is here mainly for me. I feel like I need to speak. It would be nice to be heard, but I usually feel misunderstood.
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I've been reading (again) the book about Tensin Palmo called "Cave in the Snow." Tensin Palmo is the senior buddhist nun. She lived in a cave in the Himalayas for 12 years. She got up everyday at 3. During the day, she had four, three hour, m…
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Added by Spirit Flower on June 2, 2008 at 8:51am —
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This morning at 4:30, I sat in my Kansas house. Outside it was pouring down rain. Thunderstorms were passing through. I was entered in a race to begin at 8 am. It was my first running race since breaking my arm. I really wanted to go; not because I expected to be fast but just to celebrate the act of running. I looked at the radar in the internet; and end to the storm was in sight.
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I packed up my stuff and headed for St Joseph Missouri. It rained all the way there and was still raining at 7:15…
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Added by Spirit Flower on May 24, 2008 at 5:00pm —
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